Annmarie O'Connell

THE LAWYER CALLS ME


to talk about my ex-boyfriend
and the situation that occurred
between us:
            the situation is called the situation
because even to powerful women
there are limits
            on my body
there are limits
            to truth

not today Ms. 
not the situation 
In fact say that:

felony domestic battery felony domestic battery felony domestic battery with attempted murder

the branches creak and crack a neck
I was born half buried under a tree
go out and play but don’t go near your mother
go out and play but don't
I let it begin
The answer is always the same
I let it begin
The limits of my body
saturated in guilt

Ms. lawyer woman says he wants to get his law license
and they are thinking about it
so please tell her about the situation  
His money expunged the record

Goddamn there is no record
            of my life

It’s hard to tell you
money makes me invisible,
a tied dog howling.
I lost count
of myself. Luckily there is this
remembered sadness:
my ptsd
(I have lost count of myself)
Keep track of my situation.
It is Thanksgiving.

My tiny children run around
my drunk body lying face first
on the basement floor.
It is Thanksgiving. 
One week before I enter outpatient
 treatment (not law school)
for the second time
after the situation.

Ms. I am going
to be in high mountains
soon. By Christ
go ahead and tell me
about when they sold my life.
How did they bargain
            the price



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