Daniel M. Shapiro
Have you ever been on fire? It’s a whole lot easier if you stick your arms out, your legs out. Under clothes you won’t need anymore, you’ll wear a special fabric. You’ll be fine as long as it stays wet. And you mustn’t forget the gel. It goes on your eyes, your hair. It can go on your glasses to keep them from melting into your head. Bring a couple of buddies to light you up and put you out. Make sure they use lamp oil and gasoline. Lamp oil makes the flames a perfect orange, a photogenic orange. Once you start to feel it, hit the ground. Don’t try to act tough. If you inhale, you’ll cook your lungs. Remember to hold your breath.