It happens when my coworker tells me,
after we had some blow and some Hennessey,
we go back to their place and
they just started having sex next to me and I
And I can feel his eyes after the drought
of the work day become a reservoir,
he can’t see
that my mind
becomes a blazing car in the middle of the Mojave
you can’t tell where it is coming from
only that it is burning and
I am not here anymore.
Where am I going? What is happening?
It happens when Tommy talks about his weekend,
God, you know that guy
I forget his name, something like Matt
he kept snorting lines and next thing
you know he was on the ground
and next thing I know
is I’m on the ground
onto the claws
of dead leaves
and I hear a ringing
and the lake next to us seems not next to us
and now I am being carried
to the back of a car where
the heat and black leather cling
to the back of my thighs.
My eyes are still open.
Just sit up why can’t I sit up?
It happens when Lana Del Rey activates my car ride imagination
A baby when I hold you
Like a drug
Like I told you
Marc puts his nose to the table in Taipei and his brown eyes widen
Yayo, yes you
And we get to my house
and my head goes between
my knees. White dead saliva crusts around
my outer lips
and stomach acid crawls onto my tongue,
I swallow it down
What’s wrong? Are you okay?
And my friends keep talking
And I can’t talk.
It’s all just ringing.
When it’s ringing how do I answer? Who is calling me?
It happens in my book
when cocaine coats her mouth
and she can only sit down on the shag
carpet stairs. I put the book down
and the train
seems faster and
my legs start to drip sweat and
I am rising
beyond motion sickness
beyond my loves coos and cold sweat
hails from my forehead.
My face turns from morning sun into a February sky.
My body is the wind howling outside of the cable car
and no one can stop looking at me and I
can’t stop looking at
myself from above the metal ceiling.
Where am I?
This trauma has arms and a body
and calls me like a fever dream
But what is it
and how does it know my name when we have never met?