Ellie White
MY ANXIETY THINKS IT KNOWS GOD
The voice said, “You’re coming home.”
At first, I thought it was God. Home:
the place I will feel whole. As the days
& weeks went by, I began to unravel.
Like the waistband of cheap leggings.
I fell apart in embarrassing ways. I pulled
at myself, “keep it together kid,”
but the thread wrapped round
and round my fingers. I was certain
it would happen unexpectedly. Some secret
defect in the blood. A bashful cancer.
Sudden but not instant. I wondered
if I should write a will. Specify who
would get my cat & what to do
with the publishing rights. Did I owe
someone this convenience in exchange for
keeping such close countenance? Would they
be angry I knew my end was coming?
I considered how best to protect everyone
from my impending demise. Then,
the voice said “You are home” & at first,
I thought it was God. At first.
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